


Drowning

by irltooru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Eating Disorders, this is just vent honestly, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:09:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7061893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irltooru/pseuds/irltooru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akaashi Keiji feels sickeningly happy.<br/>Akaashi Keiji feels heavy.<br/>Akaashi Keiji feels scared.<br/>Akaashi Keiji feels strong.<br/>Akaashi Keiji feels helpless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE TRIGGER WARNING!!!!! PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU'RE EASILY TRIGGERED.  
> this has absolutely nothing to do with Haikyuu besides the use of Akaashi's name, it's more of a vent for me than anything else. it has no plot, either.

_Akaashi Keiji feels sickeningly happy._ He almost feels guilty for it, guilty because every muscle in his body is protesting, trembling with exhaustion. He blinks, stretches, and his vision blurs into pinpricks, head spinning and heart fluttering. He loves it because it’s an addiction. An addiction that he literally didn’t have to feed. The desire to be empty gnawed at his skin and bones, taking away hunks of sanity and most importantly, weight.

 _Akaashi Keiji feels heavy._ He feels heavy despite the measly 300 calories in his stomach, feels heavy despite the emptiness. He feels heavy because his heart’s beating too loud, his bones too hefty, his body too tired to hold him up. He feels heavy because of the deep breath he takes before stepping on the scale, and he feels heavy when he sees the numbers.

 _Akaashi Keiji feels scared._ It’s almost tangible, the fear he feels every time he sees food lying out in the open. Everything’s become scary. A bowl of chips at a party, hell, parties in general. He wants to scream when his friends think about ordering in pizza. His palms sweat when it comes too close, the scent wafting dangerously near his nostrils and creeping in, the _cheeseandpepperoniandcrustandsaucedeliciousdeliciousdelicious…_  
He tells himself that it’s not for him, and when they ask if he wanted any, he shakes his head and the lie slips out automatically. _~~I really want some, really really do want some I want to bite into a slice and devour it and chewchewchew and fill my stomach with mushrooms and mozzarella and tomato and….~~  
_ He’s stopped counting the amount of social gatherings he’s turned down, the amount of times he’s avoided his friends’ houses just because they would offer him food and he knows that his _fat ass_ can’t resist.

 _Akaashi Keiji feels strong._ He feels strong when he wraps his covers around his body when he goes to bed at 8pm, because he knows that if he stayed up any later, the siren of the kitchen would beckon him and drag him into the stormy waters with her song. So he covers his ears and slams his door shut to drown out the haunting melody. He feels strong when he can physically feel his heart pounding within the confines of its bone cage, feels strong when he traces every individual rib and pushes his palms against the sharp arch of his hipbone. He feels strong when daylight shines in between his thighs, painting his razor-kissed skin.

 _Akaashi Keiji feels helpless._ He feels so helpless when he gives in to the kitchen siren’s song one evening when his parents were out. He dives almost willingly beneath the waves, tastes floating into his open mouth and into his empty stomach. Rice cakes, leftover tofu, and God knows what stream with the current into his mouth and find their way down his throat. He loses control, eyes, hands, legs, stomach hunting for more.

_Akaashi Keiji wants to die._


End file.
